A different perspective...

Alright, so far, doing well on posting more consistently. Granted it's pretty much every two weeks. At least it's something right? :) I definitely feel better, and so far, I'm in the clear of not being depressed anymore. I just have to keep trying to be positive, be around friends, and not worry about the little things. :)


As I've been going through this whole transition, I've always worried about how others view me. When someone looks at me, I always wonder if I stand out, or if I even pass. It doesn't matter if I'm in a public place, or somewhere more private. It's a fear that I believe I will more than likely have for the rest of my life, if not, at least for a very, very long time. Even as I continue this journey, and gain more confidence, I always have that little voice in my head trying to tell me I don't pass. I definitely look female, and people seem to think so too, but maybe some might not., I can't read minds so I don't know for sure. A few weeks ago though, I did notice something. A change in society, towards myself.


I might be at a store looking for something, and people will come up to me to try to help me find it. At first I thought it was just them doing their jobs. No big deal right? Then I thought maybe that they realized I didn't pass, and felt sorry for me. And because of the second one, panic mode sometimes sets in. Luckily, that one turns out to be very unlikely. Either way, people started to seem very friendly towards me, both at stores and restaurants, and I guess just in general. I didn't even start noticing this until a few weeks ago I decided to go buy a game I've saved up for.


As I got off work (and not even looking my prettiest or even dressed nicely) I decided to buy Diablo 3 (yea. super nerdy, I know) with a friend. We walked around and talked a bit, like we always do, and we looked for someone to help us. They seemed to have found us, were very polite, and sent someone to help me find the game. The guy had to check in the back for a copy, since none were available up front. After about 5 minutes, he came back with nothing. I just told him that it was okay, that I could come back later. It's not that big of a deal. He responded with "Don't worry about it, I'll find it." As he left again, I really was wondering why he was being so helpful. He came back again just to make sure I didn't leave (did this about 2 or 3 times), and eventually went to go find associates to help him. After about 25 minutes, he came back and had found the game. I really was grateful, and of course thanked him. When I got back up front, the other guys assumed that it was my friends. I said it wasn't for him.....they kind of were shocked. Still were very happy to help and talked about how I'm going to love the game, then we were on our way back home. 


Since that day, I've been keeping an eye out just to see if that was a fluke or not. It was not. I've been losing weight, and on top of that hormones have been doing wonders. I don't look too fat (although I can still lose some pounds) and people have noticed me more and more. More friendly, helpful, and well even though it's mostly men, there are some girls as well. I shouldn't worry too much about the world instantly knowing I'm trans. I just just go with the flow, and relax more. I guess what I'm trying to say, is that I'm noticing more and more that people seem to treat you differently as a girl. A pretty girl nonetheless. :P


Until next time, with love,
~Ellie