Water. Water keeps falling, more and more. A flash of light, silence....then a deep groan. Trickling, dripping, everything's wet. Feels....new. Fresh. There's a thunderstorm outside, and I've always loved those.
The rain has always been special to me. When I'm depressed, or stressed, and it rains, it always feels soothing, as if it was washing away all of my pain and sorrow. Refreshing the world as one might say. Always ready to start a new day, a new beginning.
This time....things seem to be different.
Trying to keep a positive view on life is pretty difficult given my situation. Learning how to control emotions and (some) minor pain caused by hormones, dealing with some people not understanding that you are a girl, not a gay guy in drag, hiding part of your past, and being extremely careful when meeting someone new. So much to deal with, and trying to balance everything is a challenge. When you finally think you figure something out, another curve ball is thrown. Then another, and then another.
Some of the best advice I have received was actually during my first "time of the month". A coworker/friend said that I should learn to center myself. Meditate, Yoga, anything to help keep yourself in balance. If you keep doing it and doing it right, it will help throughout life. I have started to meditate, and already things are starting to seem okay. Not great, just....better.
So yes, this time things seem different. Although I still believe that the rain will help with washing away all the pain of yesterday, a big part still depends on ourselves and believing that we will be happy. I know its hard, and I know I still have to work on this myself, but believe it, relax, and breathe. Everything will be okay.
Until next time, with love,
~Elli
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