Sweet Dream, or a Beautiful Nightmare? Pt. 1- Darkness

We all have dreams. Sometimes, its what you look forward to at the end of a long day. Other times, dreams can make you wish you never had to sleep again. I'm the type of girl who seems to remember quite a bit about their dreams. On top of that, I tend to feel, very distinctly I might add,  every emotion that happens in said dreams, as well as every "physical" one. I only know of a few people who this happens to as well. Most seem to just forget their dreams all together. For others, like me, it can mark, or even scar, their vision of the real world.

First part- Nightmares...

So although some nightmares that I have are just, well, nightmares, I do tend to get some that involve me yearning to be the real me. These usually end up in me getting into terrible situations. Fears that I still have honestly. Although some, of course aren't very realistic, others do have the potential, can, and have happened to others. From being beat, to actually ending in death. Only because people dare to be the real them. The most memorable one, is actually one of the last one's I've had. And it was before I've gone out in the real world, daring to be myself. Okay, enough stalling. Remember that this is also a nightmare, so none of it actually happened, and its just a glimpse of my twisted mind playing games with me. Our story begins in a little place called......

Portland.

Yes, Portland, Oregon. Although I've personally never been there (yet I've been all over the northwest and whatnot) its where my mind took me. After years of struggling, and trying to find myself, I found myself deciding to move to Portland. I've finally come out of my shell, and was able to live part time as me in this little town, but it wasn't without consequences. People in my old town would pick on me, call me a freak, occasionally beat me up, and plus my ex had just recently broke up with me, but kept playing games with my head. I took most of my belongings, and decided to start a new life, as the girl I've always dreamed of being. Didn't say any goodbyes, didn't even look back. I just got up and left.

Did all the typical things of finding a new job, a new place to live, and all that good stuff. And after a while, things started settling very well. Started making friends, living life and loving it. Had a great job, which everyone liked me there. No one knew about my past, or my secrets and it was perfect.

Too perfect.

6 months have passed, and I was out and about with some friends having lunch and shopping. When my phone went off. It was my ex. I quickly hung up, and hoped that nothing more would come of it. From there, I kept getting messages, phone calls, texts, etc. for the next few days. She wanted to know how my life was going, and how things were. If people knew my big secret and if she could come "visit" for a few days. I told her to stay away, and to never call again. She cannot control me any longer, and she needs to get out of my life. She did not take this very well at all.

A few days had passed, and I didn't hear from her. Everything seemed back to normal, until I saw my ex, talking to some of my close friends there. She turned to me, and smirked, while my friends seemed to be shocked. She had been telling everyone about who I really was. No one was taking it well. Soon, everyone started shunning me, calling me a freak, or a pervert, or worse. I lost my job, lost my apt, and the whole town started to turn against me. People started to throw stuff at me, and hit me when they got the chance. I wasn't safe. Angry mobs were everywhere, and people soon started to hunt me. I tried to run and hide, with no effect. I was quickly apprehended and struck down. I started going in and out of conscious. When I came to, I was bleeding, my clothes were torn, and my face was so swollen, that I could hardly see. I was being dragged somewhere. Angry mobs were everywhere, yelling and throwing things toward the pervert. I kept screaming, with what little strength I had left, "I AM A GIRL! PLEASE! Stop....I am a girl....JUST LOOK AT ME! I am a girl...." No one even flinched. Finally we stopped at the town center. I was lifted up, and tied to a wooden post. I looked around, and saw thousands of people, angry at me. For what I was. A man stood up next to me, raised his arm high, and I screamed as loud as I could, "NO! PLEASE STOP! I'm human! I'm a girl!" He had a torch. And with it held high, he turned, and dropped it in front of me.

The world began to burn.

Flames were everywhere. I felt pain everywhere. I tried screaming, but felt the air trying to suffocate me. Helpless, and in pain, I began to cry. And through the tears, I saw only one thing. My ex, with her arms crossed, and with a smirk.

Fear can do a lot to one's cognitive thinking. Even twist reality. Although there is no way this could actually happen, doesn't mean that you shouldn't be cautious. Fear is there for a reason, and thats to keep you safe. But you shouldn't live in fear, you should learn to control it, and use it to your advantage. There really are dangers out there, and although I haven't really come across anything I can't handle, there is still the possibility.  So be careful out there. Go with a group of friends, never walk alone, but don't let fear keep you down.

I'm just glad I haven't had a terrible nightmare like this in a few months. And although this post was a little dark, don't worry. The next post will really be, a sweet dream. :)

Until next time, with love,
~Elle