Sweet Dream, or a Beautiful Nightmare? Pt. 2- Hope

So last post was pretty dark. And Luckily I don't get as many nightmares as I used to. I think it may be in part to me coming out, and finally being more and more comfortable with myself. I'm not entirely sure though. Well, as I promised, here's a dream that has occurred to me a few times now. Never have I had a dream repeat itself, but with minor changes to the story. Anyway, here we go.

I'm very excited for Saturday night to arrive. I haven't been a girl long, started hormones a few months back, and definitely looking more feminine, as well as going to school full time. But at least I've been a girl long enough to finally start being accepted by society. My society. High school society. The prom was merely days away, and everything was going well. I had an amazing red dress all picked out, hair appointment set up, a ride and everything. Even my friends and family were excited for me. Everything was going well except one thing. No date. Its understandable though for who would want to ask the "queer" out. All was going well though, most of my remaining friends were still there, and we were all going to go as a group.

During school, I still went as the real me. It wasn't without consequences though. Everyday it was the same thing, luckily the physical abuse had deterred and now it was mostly verbal, like queer, and fag. This week was different though. Although the verbal abuse has now shifted from the norm, to prom related insults, I wasn't letting anything get to me. No sir, no way. Saturday was going to be the best night ever no matter what.

The big day had finally arrived. I had just gotten home from having my hair done, and my friends and I were heading over to the prom site. We needed to set up, we were on the prom committee after all. The theme was interesting. Most high schools were doing exciting and fantasy style themes like a James bond style, or a magical night full of fairy tale dreams. We decided to go a different direction. It was more in the style of a classic spanish soap opera (don't ask why, I honestly have no idea). The room was gorgeous. Roses everywhere, ivy climbing pillars, trees, and everything. Marble stairwells, and floors. It really looked like we were outside on a balcony.

Everything was set up, and we started getting ourselves ready. I was the last one to finish. Nervously, I walked outside of the room I was getting ready in, and people just turned, looked at me, and everything got quiet. Real quiet. I was nervous enough as it is, and the silence really worried me. I didn't know what to do. I just looked down, covered myself as much as I could with my harms, turned and was about to run back in the room and cry... and then a voice shattered the silence.....

You look gorgeous.

I stop. Look up. And there it was. A reflection of my real self. All the flaws I worried about, trying to make sure I still passed, they weren't there. All I could see is a beautiful girl, with wavy black hair. Her dress was a beautiful shade of red, that seemed to just flow with her curves, with subtle, chic black heels, that seemed almost invisible. I really couldn't believe my eyes. It really was me! All my doubts, all my worries seemed to just, disappear at that point.

Everyone started talking about how amazing my transformation has been. But most importantly, a close friend of mine, came up to me, and once again said "You really do look gorgeous." We've known each other for a while, and he's been very supportive of my situation. But then he said something that I never expected him to say. "Will you go to the prom with me?" I just looked up at him, turned to my friends, who were all nodding excitedly, looked back at his deep blue eyes, and with tears in my eyes and a huge grin on my face, I quietly said yes, and let him hold me.

The rest of my night was beyond perfect. An amazing dinner, met his family, who apparently loved me, although my past was never brought up, and then the dance. The night was amazing. It was a dream come true.

The end of the night was nearing. We had just finished dancing, and we both went outside to get some fresh air. We talked about how the night was going, and how much fun we were having. Then I asked him why he asked me to go to prom with him. I really was hoping that I wasn't a last minute choice, or worse, a pity date. We started talking about our past, and how unhappy I was growing up, having to hide. He jokingly said that I didn't hide my feminine side very well, because he always saw me more as a girl, than a boy. And although he's not attracted to males, he did wonder what he would do if I was a girl. I just turn to him and ask what with a smirk. He turns, holds me in his arms, looks deeply in my eyes, and just says "This".

He kissed me.

All I could do was kiss back. I was pretty sure I was attracted to girls still....but this....this seemed right. The kiss seemed to last forever, and my heart was racing. I was melting as tears of joy started rolling down my cheeks. The night was indeed, perfect.

I've had this dream a few times now. Twice it was with the same guy, and once with a girl. In reality, I am attracted, physically, more to girls. But honestly, I have to say I fall more in love with personality than anything else. So I could end up with anyone honestly. And here's a secret. I have gone to prom twice, but I've always dreamed of going to prom as the real me, even back then. Although that time has passed for me, it doesn't mean that I will never have a magical night like this happen to me in real life. And hope I shall! :D

Until next time, with love,
~Elle