Keeps on turning...

Life goes on.


No matter what we may or may not do to try and slow it down, it will keep on going. Sometimes its wonderful, and other times we tend to just hit the rough spots. For me it feels like I'm missing something. Something that should be there, something that I desire, that I need in my life. More than just something, I need someone.


A special someone.


Don't get me wrong, I'm doing really well, I'm super happy! Nothing can be better in my life right now! :D Okay....so maybe that's a little lie. With every new, good thing that happens in my life, a terrible one seems to show up. Lately its just been with relationships. It has been a year and a week since I've been in a relationship, and even longer since I've been on a date really. It has been a terrible few weeks. I need someone by my side, someone to love, and to hold me, to be there when I need them to be. I have tried looking for it once again, only to be cast aside, like if what I feel didn't really matter. Either the people I seem interested in, find someone else, or flat out tell me that they really don't want to do anything with me. You know, typical stuff. It just seems to hurt worse because of my situation. As if somehow, people don't want anything to do with me because they might see me as a freak. These kind of ideas keep replaying in my head over, and over again, making me doubt myself a little, and never being sure whether I should go for it, or just keep my mouth shut.


In all honestly, yea it doesn't make me feel good, but luckily I have a few projects to keep me distracted in the mean time. At least to not think about it as often as I could. With gaming, setting up vent and minecraft servers, drawing, and writing in my blog, those tend to help. Even this project that my roommate has dubbed Project: Eve has helped a lot. I have claimed the writer position and am having a grand time building and creating this universe full of history, society, politics, and much, much more. Being creative really tends to distract you from real life. It is a completely different world, and you are giving it life. An amazing feeling.


Speaking of distractions....I seem to have gotten off topic a little. Back to the story. :P


Life is life. It keeps moving forward no matter what we try to do. When we trip, we have to pick ourselves back up. When we feel like everything is working against us, we need to push back and be strong. When we  feel like we can't do it, too exhausted and feel like giving up, we need to lift our heads, stand up and walk. Yeah, life is terrible at times, its what we do with those rough patches that make us strong. A few wise words that my roommate has said is this:


Life goes on, whether we want it to or not.


And its true. Life doesn't care if we are happy or not. It doesn't have the choice to do that. We do. We can choose to look at the positives, to be happy, even when its at its darkest. To enjoy the little things that happen. It is a lesson that everyone has to learn. Including me. I'm not perfect, and never will be. I have had doubts in my mind on why people don't seem interested in me. That's not true though. I've had guys that have come in through the drive through a few times, and chatted with me for a bit. Others, tend to talk a little longer than usual. Sometimes, just being out in public, guys actually seem to at least be friendly. This has never happened to me. I always wonder if I'm passing, since people tend to stare at me sometimes. Lately though that has changed. Especially because a coworker was really surprised at how many people wanted my number after going through the drive-thru :P




Until next time, with love,
~Ellie


P.S. I hate change sometimes, especially with technology, because I had to rewrite this again. Since i didn't want to try the new look for the dashboard yet, it glitched and posted without words. I couldn't even edit the post afterwards!  >: (  I think I'm better though, now that I'm not trying to strangle inanimate objects. :P