Fear of change....

People never change. I hold this truth close to my heart. Maybe its my realist side (or for you optimists out there, my pessimistic side :P ) or maybe its something else. Either way, this is what I see. A big reason why I'm always cautious when meeting new people. They may appear to be kind, and friendly at first, but soon will show their true colors when you least expect them to.

I'm not saying everybody who appears to be a good person will become an evil psycho or anything like that. Not at all. There are things we as humans do tend to change. We want everyone to like us (in general), so we hide our bad traits. Then, without really thinking, our "bad" or at least more annoying traits tend to rise up into view. A good example of this is when you talk to someone for a few weeks, they seem like a great person, you know, kind, caring, helpful, etc, when after that week, you notice them trying to control more and more things. Or you might notice them being lazy, or a little neurotic, or whatever. The point is, you will never know their true colors right away. It takes time to actually know, and understand a person. Even when they are hiding a secret, those closest to them will know and be understanding when the time comes.

So. People never really change. At least not overall. Their likes tend to be the same, same quirks, same humor. When people actually change, its because of a very traumatic experience they may have had. So what about someone like me? My body/gender is changing, so my personality is as well right? Am I becoming a completely different person?

Its complicated.

Yes, things are changing in my life, and to some extent, my personality is receiving more of a tweak, than a complete tune-up/change. For those who may have known me as a casual acquaintance, or just a regular friend, would never have picked up my true personality. Only the more important ones. Love of music, video games, snowboarding, sci fi, overall a nice and helpful person. Unlike people who would see me everyday, interact with me on a more personal level, like my closest friends, would actually get a chance to see the more real me. Like my sensitivity, and more feminine characteristics. All in all, my personality hasn't really changed. I'm still that geek, still love what I do, all that fun stuff. I haven't had a traumatic experience that has made me want to change. So why do people think I'm different now?

Well, for one, I'm more outgoing. The more comfortable I get in my own skin, the better I feel, which makes me want to be social. I hated putting myself out there, but now I do it almost daily. I'm more confident in everything I do. My sad/depressed moods (the super intense ones) are gone. I feel like myself. In coming out, I've been able to embrace my best characteristics, and just enhance them.

People never really change. Same goes for myself. My likes and personality are the same, nothing has changed. This new person isn't that much different from who she was. She's just happier, energetic, and way more social, and you know what? I like her this way. Maybe its not so complicated. People do tend to over complicate things. Maybe the answer is just, simple. :)

Until next time, with love,
~Ellie