Good for the soul...

Alright, well, just another update it looks like for this week. No big topic or anything. Just another venting session/thought based post about my life thus far. Hopefully I'll figure out a topic for next week.


I'm so scatterbrained and stressed that I feel like I might break down soon. Yes, I'm loving the new me so far, but there are so many things that I have to take care of, and in so little time, I'm just beginning to feel overwhelmed. If it was possible, I would love some help, even if the only help they could give is just be there when I come home from a very long day of work, in a place where I seem to be almost unappreciated. Life has been difficult. Not in a bad way, just difficult. So many challenges to overcome.


After about a month and a half of trying to find a new doctor, I finally got an appointment with someone close by.  The original person I wanted was not available, so then I tried finding someone else. Then I found out she wouldn't be able to help me, but then finally the original doctor I was looking for became available. Although this sounds simple, it has made me more stressed than I would like to be. Because of this, I'm almost out of my medicine. I will be out for a few days before my appointment, but hopefully everything will be okay. At least I found another one.


More good news....more like good stress....my friend was accepted to the University of Washington a few weeks ago, which means that I will be moving in with him and another friend by the summer. More than likely June. Now its time to find a new apartment, and a new job within the next six months. So although this is another good thing, its still more stress than I would like.


Some bad, unneeded stress that I can definitely do without though, is dating. I've gone now on several different dates, and they all end with a bitter sweet taste. Either they end up being jerks, loving someone else and can't be with me, or aren't comfortable enough with how I am. Luckily I have made a couple of friends out of my failed dates. For now though, I need to get through this little rough patch so no more dates for a little while. No matter how cute he/she might be.


Then there's work. Like I mentioned I've felt a little unappreciated. Yet, the higher ups seem be expecting great things from me. Adding more pressure, and essentially one on one training with some of them. Sadly I cannot take a vacation now, because of the new doctor, and the move to Seattle, I will have to save up as much money as I can for the next few months. A quick side note though, as I was going to work today, I witnessed an accident. Luckily no one was hurt badly, and well, it just wasn't a great way to start my day...


And to top it all off....one of my closest friends is leaving soon....I will miss him terribly, and I just don't know how to tell him goodbye, or how much he means to me. He's been there for me when I've needed him the most, and he's been one of  the biggest influences in my life. He will be traveling abroad for a semester, but I'm afraid that I might not see him when he returns because of my plans on moving. Even if I do, it wouldn't be for long. And then who knows when the next time I'll be able to see him, since he'll be off to better and brighter things and so will I. One of the greatest people I've had the pleasure of working and being friends with. Tyler, I hope you have a great trip, and I hope, even though we will be a country apart, and eventually (hopefully) just states, that you will find a great life. I will miss you my friend. Stay in touch. :)


Now that I've vented a little (and cried a lot) I feel better. I've been feeling so emotional lately. Crying for no reason, or because I feel everything. Of course the stress doesn't help at all, but at least I can feel now. I've spent most of my life just feeling dead inside and faking everything. So yea...its annoying but at least its a good kind of annoying. Maybe its because I'm finally able to be myself, or maybe its because of the stress, or the lack of sleep. Oh god....I need to stop rambling now. Life will get better, it always seems to anyway. :)


Until Next time, with love,
~Ellie


P.S. A friend of mine asked me something last week. Something that also has brightened up my life a bit. I won't tell you until next week though. Just because I like being a pain sometimes. :P