Sparkles...

To start things off this week, I ended up finding the strength to defeat a fear of mine on Tuesday, December 20, 2011. I thought I'd never be able to do this, but with the help of my friend Tyler, I was able to get my ears pierced. :)


I've never pierced anything before, and I've always wanted to. I do happen to remember when I was younger, being a little jealous that my sister had her ears pierced, and I wanted to as well. As I grew older, of course the feeling stayed with me, but more and more fear kept settling in. One of my bigger fears though, was me being outed. On top of that, I've always been afraid of needles. So, since I was a "guy" (and back then thinking I'll never actually get to be me), I just forgot about it.


Well, now that I'm finally myself and living full time, I decided to try and go for it again. This was back in June. I ended up panicking, and backing out of it. Then I thought the same thing again in July, then August, and so on and so forth. Each and every time, I'd find a way to back out of it. Either by forgetting about it (sometimes on purpose), or just being busy. It was getting a tad bit ridiculous.


Don't get me wrong, I sincerely wanted to do it. I am just paranoid about everything in my life and over think everything. My sense of needing to know every little detail, and looking at all the possibilities tends to be more of a curse for me. Some people seem amazed at how I can see so many possibilities and whatnot. Its a little difficult to explain without an example. Luckily I have one! :P


So, essentially the more I think about it, the more paranoid I become. As a warning, this is the simple version of what goes on in my head. Usually its a lot more, but I'll keep it as simple as possible. You can skip it if you'd like. First thing that goes through my head, is the subject. This time? Getting my ears pierced. So I was wondering who I can go with? Okay, now that I got a few people, just in case some (or most) people can't make it, I at least have one. Now, where could I possibly go? Well, there's like six different places. Three places were suggested by friends. Okay, which one should I go to? Well, one has a bad rep for screwing up piercings, plus its in a public place where everyone can see me. Scratch that. Well the other two are professionals. They don't even use a gun, which I heard is more terrifying than....needles....oh god.....I hate needles! So many things can go wrong! I mean, it isn't like at the doctor where even more things could go wrong, like getting air bubbles in the syringe and killing me. Or if its someone inexperienced, can't find the vein or...wait... its okay. Different type of needle. Still, things can go wrong....what could go right? Well, let's see....everything can go well. But what if I get someone inexperienced, what if it actually does hurt, and a lot?  What if it gets infected? What do I do? Do I go to the hospital? Ugh...I hate explaining my situation to strangers especially if I don't know if they are LGBT friendly. Wait....OH CRUD! What if the place isn't friendly? They will probably ask questions, but what if they throw me out? What if people are rude, or mean there? 


It just goes on and on from there. Trying to find every single detail, and trying to psych myself into believing that things will go alright is difficult. Even when logically, things should be okay. You know what though? Everything did go better than expected. :)


Everyone was very nice, and polite. Of course, for legality's sake, I had to use my legal name, and Id. They gave me a quick glance and smiled, as if they didn't expect it, but didn't really judge. They used my preferred name, used correct pronouns, and was over all very friendly. The piercer was very friendly, and explained how it all worked, what he did, and how much pain I would be in. He knew exactly what to say as well, to help calm me down. Essentially it hurts less than when you bite the inside of your cheek or tongue. They sanitize everything (and I mean everything, including the chair). I picked out a couple of pink studs, and he jokingly said that most girls do. He told stories, joked around, coworkers shared in laughter, and well, it was a very good experience. Some of the nicest people I've ever had the pleasure to meet. Now that the worst is over, I've been thinking....maybe....just maybe...I should get another piercing. Maybe even a tattoo! :) Another fear has been conquered.


Until next time, with love,
~Ellie


P.S. I did tell my mom when I got it, and all she said was "hahaha, did it hurt? How much did you cry?" I love you too mom! :P